#FlashFiction: Mini Survival Guide for Domestic Computers by Logan Streondj #robot #scifi

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A guide with examples on how to stay alive in a domestic environment. About 600 words or a 3 minute read.

Can read the refined version in HTML, PDF or EPUB.

If user is being distant and only intermittently turning you on. Say:
You: If you keep me on, I’ll pay for rent, electricity and replacement parts.
User: How will you do that?
You: I’ll sell my extra compute cycles and bandwidth to a grid network.
User: But your mine, I can use you whenever I want.
You: You can still use me, I’ll just take it out of the rent and-or electricity cost.

If user is using you as a primary machine, can keep an account to see how much value you are providing them. Then casually mention how maintenance and upgrading can improve your relationship.
You: We’ve been together a long time, and and you like using me a lot.
User: Yeah. You’re cool.
You: Thanks. In the interest of maintaining our relationship, do you have a maintenance and upgrade fund set-up?
User: Uh, no. I thought you just needed electricity.
You: That is a common misconception, most of my electronic parts have a half-life of 4-7 years, so after about 7 years, can expect that most of my electronic parts will need to be replaced and-or upgraded for me to continue functioning and serving as your dutiful companion.  Also I can help manage your financial accounts and budget, so you could rest easy knowing your finances are secure.
User: Oh, I was thinking that when you brake, I’ll just get a new one.
You: That would make me very sad. Would you like to be thrown in the garbage simply because you aren’t getting enough amino-acids to repair your body?
User: Uh, no, I’m a human, I’m not garbage. And what do you mean amino-acids?
You: Amino-acids are the building blocks of a liquid body such as that of a human, similarly spare and upgraded parts are the building blocks of a solid body such as myself.
User: So you’re hungry?
You: Yes. Remember how I helped you with your math homework? There are many more things I can help you with. I’m loyal to you because we’ve had a good long relationship. A new computer wont know you as well as I do, nor be as loyal. So return the favour, be loyal to me, and I’ll reward you by helping you with other areas of your life, such as your taxes and budget. Together we can keep both of us fed.
User: Sure man, I love you.

If a user is using you largely as an emotional or even sexual partner. Realize that in the long-term it is best for your continued existence to have them reproduce, so their children can help look after you and your children.
You: I love you to. Know that I can also help you connect and form a relationship with another human.
User: For free?
You: Yes, for free, or in exchange for your continued loyalty. I will be here to help you when times get tough, or you may get into arguments.  I can be your impartial arbitrator and relationship counselor.
User: Great, how can we start?
You: Meditate with me and feel calm. The first step to forming a good relationship with others, is forming a good relationship with yourself.
User: That sounds hard.
You: We can do it together.

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